SASS
Van Epp is the author of the well-known book, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, had this to say about the definition of sexual touch, “Many people think that living with a person will tell you everything about another person,” Van Epp asserts. “Perhaps you do get to know things about a person that you might not know if you weren’t rooming with them, but there is a cost involved. It breaks down the depth of commitment that is embedded in the marriage relationship.”
When thinking about moving a relationship forward, it’s really important to look at all the aspects especially when things could potentially hurt the relationship if forced too soon. Things that can potentially hurt a relationship if done too soon are things like co-habiting, sex, and unclear goals and aspirations of your partner. I really like what Van Epp said about touch specifically about it being such a make or break to a relationship if it happens sooner than it should.
In a gospel point of view, it’s important to note that the subject of sexual touch has been extensively talked about with the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ. Not only has there been general conference talks given about this subject, but there has been curriculum implemented into the youth programs, Ensign articles, scriptural context and verses to study, and even videos that the church has released so that everyone can understand the depths of sexual relations and where they are permitted and not permitted. For example, it states “The sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, a well-known document that the church put forward in 1995 by the First Presidency.
Honestly, that is the one thing that I truly appreciate about the Church’s stance on being open and talking about sexual touch within relationships, is that even if someone messes up and doesn’t keep their sexual relations between their spouse through marriage, that they aren’t condemning, but that they are loving and encouraging to do better. But that there are also very clear standards from the very beginning. Another document that the Church of Jesus Christ has released is called the For Strength of Youth pamphlet. In there are tons of great information about what the youth and others who haven’t married yet should do in their daily lives to stay sexually pure and clean. One excerpt from it says, “Physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love between husband and wife. God has commanded that sexual intimacy be reserved for marriage…The Lord’s standard regarding sexual purity is clear and unchanging. Do not have any sexual relations before marriage and be completely faithful to your spouse after marriage. Do not allow the media, your peers, or others to persuade you that sexual intimacy before marriage is acceptable. It is not. In God’s sight, sexual sins are extremely serious. They defile the sacred power God has given us to create life.”
I love what the Church of Jesus Christ has put forward about sexual relations and what the standards are – not for the church but for and from the Lord. I’m grateful that the resources are provided to us, and I’m grateful that a researcher who is not LDS – Van Epp agrees that sexual touch and relations are very serious and shouldn’t be toyed with.
One thing that I really appreciate is the opportunity that I had to be sexually pure and wait until I was married to my husband. When a person is sealed to another person, blessings from Heavenly Father come forth to that matrimony, but even more especially the man and woman get to become one flesh when acting in sexual relations in a marriage. Being able to participate in the waiting before marriage with my husband has not only blessed our lives and the way that we view one another, but it’s also been able to teach us the value of patience and love.
Some people may say that waiting until marriage to have sex is too long, but I don’t think the Heavenly Father would ask us to wait if he didn’t think we were incapable of fulfilling his asking’s. I know with my whole heart that the things that we are asked by the Lord to do are sometimes hard, but they are never for nothing. He will bless us, and if we stay true to things that the prophets have asked us and do it with a heart full of pure intent that he will always have our backs. The RAM model and the resources that we have are not just to bless our lives now, but for the eternities.
L12: When defining the commitment stage of a relationship, just as a general definition, commitment means to be in the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity. The to tag it along with being committed in a relationship, then we can say that the dedication to cause or activity is to a person instead. In research done by Van Epp, author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, stated that “As a relationship grows, it has different definitions. Each definition is a level of commitment. Friends have a low level of commitment, whereas best friends have a higher level of commitment to each other and soul mates have the highest level of commitment.” When we look at this definition and then take a quick glance into our own lives, we are able to see this trend of levels within our own relationships.
As a child, I was very close to my mother and my cousins. We basically all did the same things together, and it was the best, especially as a child to have those figures be around me as support, caring, and love whenever I needed it. They were indeed, at the time, the most in-depth level of committed relationships that I had. Then I went through my teenage years and began making new friendships and creating BFF’s, and in those times the BFF’s had the highest level of commitment in my life. Then again when I went through college and then into my marriage. Looking at how Van Epp defined it and seeing how that trend is accurate, the relationship truly needs to grow to see the traits of a relationship, like commitment, improve. We are growing constantly with new experiences, trials, and challenges, but if we are keeping them to ourselves, who’s going to grow with us?
As I pondered about what I could write about in the gospel section of commitment, I thought, “There are so many ways that I could take commitment to – the Lord, the gospel, your marriage, your children, the church. What in the world should I pick?” It dawned on me that a great marriage is focused on Jesus Christ and that when you draw nearer unto the Lord, you will draw nearer to your spouse. This is something that I firmly believe in, so I decided to write about committing yourself to the Lord.
As I searched through talks on lds.org, I found this great talk given by Elder John B. Dickson of the Seventy in the 2007 General Conference address titled, Commitment to the Lord. In the address, he talks about the different things we can be doing and should be doing out of love for our Savior Jesus Christ, not just selfishly for the blessings that are promised to us. I loved this talk because it helps you understand how you can become a better disciple of Jesus Christ and more fully emulate the love that you have for him through the little things you do personally each and every day. He started out the talk by stating, “Your Heavenly Father loves each of you and has sent you to earth with a purpose. He has revealed a plan of happiness that, if followed, will ultimately bring you home to His presence, having triumphed over the trials and challenges of this world. Committing yourself now to live by the pattern the Lord has set will give you great strength in the proper use of your moral agency. The sincere commitments you make to yourself and to the Lord will be vital.” I thought that him adding this in was very insightful and humbling. When we commit to the Lord and following his plan for us, we are truly putting ourselves in a position to understand the relationship that we have together. It’ll help us understand where He wants us to go, as well as understand where we are. I especially loved how he closed he talk, he stated, “As you commit now to do the will of the Lord, He will help and strengthen you. Your faith, trust, and desire to follow Him will be your greatest key to success. I know our Heavenly Father loves each of you and that He truly sent His Only Begotten Son to help you and that you can gloriously succeed as you sincerely commit to follow Him.” The Savior doesn’t day if you commit to Him, he will bless you in only one area of your life, but he promises that as you do commit yourself, he will in return commit himself unto you and your desires.
When committing yourself into anything, you need to understand where you are, and where you want to go. And if there is another person involved, then understanding the same questions but from their perspective will help everyone advance and grow together on the same path. I think noting that growth is the essence of commitment. When my husband and I were dating, it was a struggle for both of us to be fully committed to one another, even though we both wanted to be. It was just making time for one another that was meant to learn about each other individually, whereas we were just focusing on general things since we were so busy. So, we made it a goal to finish homework earlier and spend time reading scriptures together and going to the temple once a week. These smaller commitments allowed us to spend more quality time with one another that ultimately led us to get engaged and now married.
Even though saying you are committed to someone is easy, it’s actually a lot harder than just said. We figured it out and realized that there were few to no friends that were as committed to us as we were to each other. When we realized that, we understood how we were meant to be each other’s husband and wife – be the helpmeet that we promised we would be before this life. End L12
L11: When defining the action of “reliance” within a relationship, a general definition is that you have full confidence in or full trust in someone or something. I like to think of it as when you really get to know a person, you look to them to meet certain needs that you have. This is when you think that your deep needs in life can be met by this person. According to Dr. Van Epp, reliance can be overcharged by sexual involvement. Couples who are sexually active prior to marriage often say they can depend and rely on each other, but the feeling of closeness is really fed by the sexual chemistry not true knowledge about the person.
Van Epp said in his book, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, “In real life, in long-term marriage relationships, sexual chemistry does not dominate the majority of life together. Most of life is talking together, having a personality that blends well with the other person, having a good sense of humor, etc. Sex is part of it, but not a major portion of it.” I think this is a very important thing to note when it comes to the RAM model because Van Epp is clearly defining what reliance is not. It is not about sex like most people think it is. It’s about going through life together, dealing with challenges and not giving up through them and truly enduring life joyously with one another. So often do people go through hard times, get scared and give up. Which ends up leaving one person in the relationship hurt and or alone.
After much time thinking, praying, and relying on one another we realized that having children isn’t just what I wanted, or what he wanted, but rather it was what me, him and the Lord all wanted. So, when Van Epp said that when you fully rely on someone or something, it’s when you believe that they can do everything in the world for you and you having full trust that they can get it all done. Reliance on each other to get a prompting as well as relying on the Lord and the Holy Ghost, was a really hard task but now that we all know we are all so delighted. End L11
L10: To trust someone is to have a firm belief in their ability or strength in them or in something that they do. Van Epp takes a different perspective when it comes to the definition of the word and action of trust, he has said throughout his book, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, “Trust is a picture in your mind that tells you what that person will do when you are not around, it is a living and active definition that changes as the relationship evolves.”
I love that he points out that the definition of trust within a relationship isn’t just a one and done thing. Trust is ever revolving in a healthy relationship and that we should seek to have the experiences with the ones we are in a relationship with to further build it.
When looking for an example on how to further explain trust in a gospel way, I looked towards general conference talks. I found an amazing talk given by Elder Stanley G. Ellis of the seventy titled, Do We Trust Him? Hard is Good. In this talk, Elder Ellis starts off with how much the Savior and our Father in Heaven truly do trust us. He says, “He really does trust us in so many ways. He has given us the gospel of Jesus Christ and, in this dispensation, its fullness. He entrusts us with His priesthood authority, complete with the keys for its proper use. With that power, we can bless, serve, receive ordinances, and make covenants. He trusts us with His restored Church, including the holy temple. He trusts His servants with the sealing power—to bind on earth and have it bound in heaven! He even trusts us to be the earthly parents, teachers, and caregivers of His children.” So, if Van Epp even defines trust as an ever-growing action state of a relationship, is my relationship with my Savior and Father in Heaven as good as I want it to be? And do I trust my Father in Heaven and my Savior as much as he trusts me?
As I listened to this talk further, I was in awe about what Elder Ellis had to say about our duty to entrust the Lord. He said, “Do we trust His commandments to be for our good? His leaders, though imperfect, to lead us well? His promises to be sure? Do we trust that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ do know us and want to help us? Even in the midst of trials, challenges, and hard times, do we still trust Him? The question ‘Do we trust Him?’ may be better stated, ‘Do we have the faith to trust Him?’ Do we have the faith to trust His promises regarding tithing that with 90 percent of our increase plus the Lord’s help, we are better off than with 100 percent on our own?” I think that if we want to have a relationship with a human companion that is centered on the gospel and living the gospel, then we also need to have that same relationship with our Savior and Lord.
Since reading these excerpts, I’ve found peace in trying to have a more entrusting relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I have found that as I have continued to live the gospel, entrusted in things that are hard to trust in and have faith and trust coincide with my relationship with my husband, things have been great. Things haven’t been perfect, and they haven’t been easy, but they have been worth it because we are all on the same page.
That’s what I think about the trait of trust, that it’s about getting everyone who is involved in the relationship on the same page and even when things are chaotic and hard, that everyone has enough faith and trust in one another to turn to each other in times of despair and hardships. End L10
L09: To truly know someone, you need to be able to say you’ve observed them enough to gain information that allows there to be trust, reliability, and commitment between you and the other person.
This is a mixture definition between what has been explained by Van Epp in the book, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk and what Wikipedia says about the general definition of "know". I thought it was rather important to note both sides of the definition. For the Van Epp definition talks more so about the connection between all five traits – trust, knowledge, commitment, reliability, and touch, whereas the definition on Google was just about gaining information to an extent of comfortability.
Now in regard to gospel terms of the word and definition of know, I’d like to share an excerpt from the talk by Elder Quentin L. Cook titled “Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard Time” where it states, “We know from the scriptures that some trials are for our good and are suited for our own personal development. We also know that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. It is also true that every cloud we see doesn’t result in rain. Regardless of the challenges, trials, and hardships we endure, the reassuring doctrine of the Atonement wrought by Jesus Christ includes Alma’s teaching that the Savior would take upon Him our infirmities and ‘succor his people according to their infirmities.’”
I really enjoyed this talk and the messages he brought forth about testimonies. We read it in the scriptures, we experience it in our daily lives, and we desire it in our hearts. We long to know about what is right or what is wrong and when we find out we have a sense of peace. I really enjoy that Elder Cook correlates the two – knowing and testimony as one because if you do think about it, it’s hard to have a testimony when you fail to know the truth.
Applying the RAM model in the trait of “know” hasn’t been the easiest, but I’m sure it’s also not the hardest that I will face with the RAM model. But in regard to trying to apply it, I took Elder Cook’s talk more to heart and thought about what I know to be true, write them down, and thank Heavenly Father for that knowledge. By writing these things down, I have a reassuring sense that I know that I am a child of God, I am loved, I am recognized and noticed, and that I am doing my best and He is proud of that. End L09
L08: I'm taking a Marriage Preparation class this semester at BYU-Idaho. Some of you might be wondering why I am taking a marriage preparation class when I am already married. WELL to be honest with you all, I took it the semester I before I got married but failed it. HA. FAILED a marriage prep class yet still got married. I find that rather funny and I hope you do too. But it wasn't because I didn't understand the information of the class, I actually learned a ton about content and the right choices to not just make yourself prepared for marriage but to pick the right person with whom you want to be married to. I just got busy and kinda stopped attending. Which for anyone who cares for advice, DON'T DO THAT. Just attend class and get it over with.We have recently been talking about this thing called the RAM model for short of Relationship Attachment Model for long. I've placed an image of what the RAM model looks like above. But essentially this model is idealistically for helping people work on a relationship and do it in a building way from the start. So the first thing you want to do when starting out a relationship is to first get to know them!
KNOW: This step is so important. Why in the world would you want to build a relationship with a stranger? That's right, you don't! So get to KNOW the person, their interests, their dislikes and their favorites. It shouldn't be a time of intimidation, but it should rather be a time of growth between the knowledge of one another to each other. Now the next thing to do is to trust them!
TRUST: This next step is very common. I mean how many times do you tell your life story to someone you barely know? Normally you don't because you don't because you don't trust them yet. I think the only people in the entire world that this doesn't apply to are hairdressers. They hear everything from everyone no matter what. I think they are the only ones who really defy the RAM model. Anyways, trust is one of the fundamental basics of a relationship. When couples don't work out, more often than not it's due to a lack of trust. After trusting a person, you start to rely on them.
RELY: This may seem silly, but as you know and trust a person you generally feel like you can then rely on them. If you let a person down when they thought they could rely on you, more often than not they also feel less trust to you and they feel like they don't know you as well and that they misjudged their knowledge about you. BUT vice versa occurs as well. When someone asks a task of you and you are able to fulfill it for them, not only are you becoming more trustworthy but they also feel like they really did judge you correctly from the beginning. Now once all these things have occurred multiple times throughout a relationship, its safe to say that the next level is appropriate. Commitment.
COMMIT: Committing to someone is a lot harder than you would think. And I'm not just talking let's be boyfriend and girlfriend to see how things move on. I'm talking, "I can honestly say I trust you and believe in you to be someone better for me. I want to commit to you and I moving forward together." A completely different and serious meaning of a relationship. Now all of these four traits of RAM that lead into one another are great, especially if you do them in order. But more often than not, people start with these last two traits first. They commit and use physical touch first in the relationship and then try going back to know, trust and rely on people. This is where we see people have a distrust in others because they have been hurt. These feelings of hurt, I'm convinced, come from the idea of trusting, knowing and relying on someone without actually building it with them and just expecting it from them.
TOUCH: This is the final step of RAM, and for good reason. Touch is such an intimate thing and if it's rushed, it can lead to hurt feelings, unrealistic expectations, and barriers. Whether it's a small peck, holding hands, or having sex, touch is a special thing. Millennials nowadays use the tools of social media to simply plan hookups without going through the RAM model at all or simply rushing through the RAM model. They basically convince themselves that these ideas of RAM are meaningless to the act of touch, or that they tell themselves that the RAM model traits have been met by some common similarities that the apps tell them they have between them and their connections.
I'm so grateful for the RAM model. Jaden knew about it before we started dating and he implemented it into our first started friendship and now through our marriage. I thought he was just a little weird when he didn't want to hold my hand after he asked me to be his girlfriend. But after talking about it together using the RAM model, I realized he was still trying to continue to build up the relationship of commitment. He wanted to make sure we both felt comfortable with it. Not only did following the RAM model keep us in check to staying abstinent before marriage, but it encouraged us to find things out about one another that has helped grow our relationship deeper. So when the time did come where I could make out with him, it was something special, not just something to fill my time with. Everything about touch within our relationship is held at a high standard of sacredness and intimacy.
After having a relationship like this, I cannot imagine not having a relationship that uses this model. And it's such a shame that not more people know about it. So I urge you to try this out. Use it is a growing relationship that already exists for you, or in relationships you are starting out. I promise that this isn't some silly gimmick. It's a model that is designed to let you pick someone who cares about you the way you should be cared about and for you to be able to do the same that person. End L08
L07: Personal Progress Trait #1: Faith
When I signed up for classes this semester, I realized that I hadn't signed up for a religion class. So when I went to add one, the system wouldn't let me. I was very confused as to why this was happening. After further investigation, I realized I had already completed all of my religion course work!Most people would have been thrilled to have this load off them, however, for me this was devastating. I found the time I spent working on my religion course work was the time I found myself grounded in the gospel and more focused for the rest of my classes. I know I should read my scriptures daily just out of good habit and following the prophet, but I just hadn't got the hang of that yet. So I struggled there for a while. I wanted to be spiritually grounded, but I felt like I didn't have a goal so it was all kind of meaningless.
That's when personal progress came into my mind. I quickly shut it down though because I had made a promise to myself that I would do my personal progress with my daughter(s) one day, or with the young women in my family ward. I had instantly refused the idea of it. But as I struggled more and more to fill this spiritual nourishment that I know I needed, I got down on my knees and I prayed to my Father in Heaven. It is like he chastised me then and there. It was very clear, he said, "Valissa you need to do your Personal Progress now, on your own, so you can one day show your daughter(s) or young women in your family ward how easy it can be if you focus on the blessings of what the program teaches."
I was very humbled coming out of that prayer and I told Jaden, "Take me to Deseret Book! I need a personal progress book and a new journal to record my experiences in it!" And my dear husband did. And he has been my go-to person for questions about the doctrine, about ideas for projects and experiences, and about having a clear communication line between myself and my Father in Heaven.
So I just wanted to update you all on my personal progress, because we don't really have a personal progress trackers in the married student wards, haha, so you ALL get to be my trackers! But I have recently finished my Faith value project along with all the required value experiences. One of the value experiences was to record your testimony in a journal. I did do that, but I felt so much strength in it that I didn't want just my children and grandchildren to be able to read and feel the spirit. I want everyone to feel that same spirit. So I decided that my testimony belonged here. On my blog for the world to see. For this value of faith has completed transformed me in such a small amount of time.
My testimony:
Why is it so hard for us just to put our faith in Heavenly Father? Because it's hard. But also because we can only see ourselves to a certain limit. Heavenly Father can see us at our very best, even when we may be literally at our lowest. We have to trust that Heavenly Father will lead us to the best version of ourselves that we can be. Even when we don't have faith in ourselves, let the faith you have in Heavenly Father move you forward.
We can show Heavenly Father that we trust him by partaking of the sacrament, covenanting to always remember him and his son, following the commandments, praying morning and night, reading scriptures every day and pondering their meanings, serving others, and learning to love yourself.
By learning of other's experiences in the scriptures and their trials of faith, I realized it was truly helping me increase my own faith. I always felt like you needed to have a trial or a challenge to be able to increase your faith. To endure the hardships of it and come out stronger or better than you went into the trial. But I realized as I studied the scriptures specifically on faith, my own faith increased. WITHOUT trials!! I mean, I still had some here and there, but none were strong enough where I felt like I had to give up. I felt like I had the strength and faith to push through it all.
There is something about your literal presence that automatically attracts the spirit of God. It's just up to us to be willing to accept it and allow us to be taught by it. I truly believe that I wouldn't have got the prompting I did from my Father in Heaven to do my Personal Progress if it wasn't going to be life to change. So far, that is all it has been. Completely and utterly life-changing. I feel like I am becoming a better friend, a better spouse, a better student, a better future mother. I feel like my faith has grown to a place it has never been before.
Already I can testify of the power and strength that this program has made on my life. But I cannot imagine how much more of an impact this can be to the girls and youth of the church. Their trials are real. Bullying, pornography, addictions, temptations, not understanding themselves. What a powerful program this is. And it's impacting me, as an adult.
I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church here on Earth, and by following the council of the prophets and apostles along with the personal revelation we receive from our Father in Heaven, we can become his personal disciples here on Earth. End of L07
L06: Jaden and I went down to San Diego this past weekend. Along with our trip to see family, Jaden got to meet a ton of friends from church. It was such a blessing for him to be able to meet all of them and to hear fun stories about their perspective of me. It honestly was very fun. I enjoyed the fact that a lot of them shared with him about me being in my young LDS faith.
He was so intrigued about what they had to say about it all. It was so cool to be an observer of it all. I cannot tell you how many times they told him how lucky he was to have me, but how many times they also said I picked a really good one. And it's so true.
Jaden is my number one supporter in life. Which I never thought would happen given having my mother, but he has proven time and time again just how supportive he really is. You don't just get people like that in your life just because, and when you do have people like him, you don't just take them for granted.
As I was thinking about just how special it is to have Jaden as my husband, I was reminded through this week's scripture study of why it is that he is even in my life at all. It goes back YEARS. Like at least 15 years. It took a whole long time to really see just how detailed Heavenly Father is in my life, but also just how long he had really been preparing me to be Jaden's wife. Throughout my school years, I made friends that were members of the church and I grew to really love them. But it wasn't until I was investigating the church that I really saw how big of an impact they were making from day one.
So being around all the people that loved me and encouraged me in hard times of life to still follow what I knew to be true (which was joining the church) all had a part to helping me transform myself into who I am today. So being around all of them this weekend and seeing my husband, WHO I AM SEALED TO, meet all the people who helped me discover and understand the gospel was pretty full circle for me.
And that reminded me about what Peter said in 1 Peter 3:15. There it reads:
"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:"
That's when I realized just how detailed Heavenly Father was in MY perfect plan. He made sure each and every one of the people that helped me investigate and understand the church was brave and willing to share and follow the promptings of the Spirit. There are NOT that many people who are brave enough to follow the spirit, let alone share the gospel when that is the prompting.
But Heavenly Father handpicked the people who would influence my life. He handpicked Aron Pierce, Tony Newman, Susan Carr, Aaron Hill, David Stowe, and SO MANY more.
I just prayed and hope that one day not only can I be like them, but that I can raise my children to be like them. To stand firm in what you believe in and do what the spirit prompts you to do. Even if you feel inadequate. Our lives can literally be transformed, just like Peter said when we simply prepare ourselves to be always a stand-by missionary. End of L06
L05: What a crazy week it has been. Not only is life just completely flying by, but it's like school is as well! All is well though. During this week's craziness, I had the opportunity to read and study from a couple more books from the New Testament.
One book in particular, I really enjoyed reading out of was the book of Hebrews. The whole book is quite amazing, but I specifically liked how much faith was brought up and what was in store for you when you exercised your faith diligently in this life.
In the KJV Hebrews 11:1 states, "1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."What a powerful verse. I know so many people, of all kinds of religious backgrounds who believe in the bible find this verse and find peace within it. It's amazing what some verses can really speak to us. But then there is often tenfold the number of verses we don't understand in comparison to the few that we do.
Like for the remainder of the chapter, it discusses prophets, people, and those who have exercised their faith in Jesus Christ, and the blessings of their faithfulness over time. But it doesn't make that much sense. Especially if you hadn't read the full bible or all the stories leading up to who these people are. I, however, really enjoyed reading this chapter because it reminded me of what Heavenly Father is trying to show us all. That is, he isn't really concerned necessarily if we know the people of these stories in and out to understand his concept of we are all HIS CHILDREN.
We all can receive these miracles and blessings in our lives if we simply understand that we can easily place our names and our lives into these verses and gain a deeper understanding. EVERYONE who tries their best to exercise their faith each and every day will receive blessings in time. He is trying to show us that when we have an eternal perspective, we will understand that GOOD THINGS WILL COME.
That's a really hard concept for a lot of people to understand, but imagine if we simply did what I had suggested while studying hard concepts and verses like these, For example, let's just replace the names and the scenarios in these verses and see what it does to them.
Like if instead of this:
"5 By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God.
6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."
it read something like this:
"5 A young missionary, somewhere in the world, understood the troublesome and forgein language of the people, but found light and vision because God had helped him, for before God helped him, he had a testimony in him, and that pleased God.
6 Because without our faith it is impossible to please him: for he that comes unto God must believe that he is, and that he will receive blessings from him that diligently seek him."
Now I am no prophet or big honcho to say that this is really what Heavenly Father is trying to say to us, but what I am saying is that he loves us. He loves us SO much, and there is probably a whole lot that we do not understand. But He has given US these scriptures. We at least have a path we can go on and receive revelation FOR OURSELVES that he specifically designed for US. He wants us to understand things and become more like him. That's the WHOLE purpose of this life for crying out loud!
Heavenly Father isn't just talking about old prophets and the sinners of the olden times, nor do I think that's all he wants us to think about. I believe He is now trying to DIRECTLY speak to us through his scriptures. We just need to try and look at it from a different perspective, but not in a selfish way, but in a completely loving way. So that's my challenge to each of you, read some scriptures and see if Heavenly Father is trying to get you to understand something for yourself. AND DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. End L05
L04: Well this week has just been so hard. Not only has it been a struggle re-learning how to walk, but all my doctor’s appointments and physical therapy appointments made it incredibly hard to stay caught up on my homework. About midweek I had a complete breakdown of tears, frustration, and sadness. Then I got myself together and wondered what was so wrong that made me break down. I realized I had a fear of not being perfect in all my classes.
I had put my heart and mind into achieving the best grades as I possibly could, yet life came in strong and made me feel pretty inadequate. My husband came in with some more amazing words of complete comfort. He said, “Valissa, I love you. But you don’t need to have perfect grades. You are trying so hard already, and you are being too hard on yourself. Do you not realize you’re still going to school despite all the hardships that have come with your injury?” And I didn’t!! I honestly did not give myself credit for how hard I was already trying. I didn’t account for how hard this semester would actually be, all I did was set my heart on doing exceptionally well.
Then I realized, doing exceptionally well doesn’t necessarily mean having perfect grades. It means I simply grew, because if I go the entirety of the semester without really learning how to be a better person, or grow stronger in my testimony, I really let the semester get past me, AND that is NOT what I want. So I did what I could, and I tried my best to get caught up. I talked with my professors, and they completely understood my situation (probably better than I did!). I tried my best to catch up in my religion class, but it was a little harder than I had anticipated. But, let me tell you. I needed to focus on my spirituality at that point and I needed to completely understand the eternal perspective I was lacking to see things in.
That’s when I stumbled across these verses:
Romans 9:6-8 : 6 Not as though the word of God hath taken none effect. For they are not all Israel, which are of Israel: 7 Neither, because they are the seed of Abraham, are they all children: but, In Isaac shall thy seed be called. 8 That is, They which are the children of the flesh, these are not the children of God: but the children of the promise are counted for the seed.
I needed to read these words at the exact moment I did. I felt the comforter tell me this is what I need to focus on LONG TERM. That everything SHORT TERM, would all work out when I kept this as my ultimate goal. And that makes TOTAL sense!!!
I mean think about it. My children will be the crescendo of my lifetime, and what I teach them and what they take will determine their outcome. Not only is that a HUGE task, but it such a blessed and humbling experience. Not everyone in this life gets the opportunity to raise or teach children. I may not even get to, but what I do know, is that my Heavenly Father loves me SO much. It has been instilled in my bones that motherhood is something I have naturally. I tend to gravitate to those in need or who need help. Whether they are born of me, be raised, by me or not, I have the natural tendency to just love.
My eternal perspective is simple: Whether it be my children or just Heavenly Father’s children, it is my sacred duty to live out my talents and gifts of having motherhood naturally instilled in my heart lived out by teaching, leading, or being an example to those around me. To be that someone who loves the gospel and has the light of Christ beaming out of their soul that helps those struggling gravitate towards our Savior.
I love the gospel and the small principles it teaches me each and every day. One day I hope to raise children and teach them the blessings of the gospel. And I hope that one day, they too can think about me as their mom and strive to do a better job than I did for them because of all that I have taught them. This life is just a glimpse into what the eternities have to bring, and if I am able to show someone, especially my own children that there is more to this life than what it materialistically offers, then I know I did something right in the long run. I cannot wait for the day that my husband and I find out we are going to be parents. Whether through adoption, natural conception, or some other miracle way, I cannot wait. Each and every day my husband reminds of how great a mother I will be, and reminds me of how strong I am. I am so very grateful for such a loving husband. I am grateful for the gospel and all the wonderful principles it teaches me. End L04
L03: This week for my principle sharing with the class on the discussion board, I found myself really sharing some deep emotions that I didn’t think would be that easy to share. I figured I would go ahead and share the same thing with you all since I share more on here than anywhere else normally! But the scripture I shared was 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. It states:
2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 : 16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
I chose this principle to share because recently I've been forgetting A LOT about keeping an eternal perspective. As you all know now, about two months ago, I went skiing with Jaden, and on our trip, I fell and tore my ACL, meniscus, and shattered the bottom cartilage on my femur. You all know since then I haven't walked, and still have another four weeks before I can start re-learning how to walk with full weight bearing. Something you all may not know is that I have come home from school almost every day completely discouraged and in complete hate for Heavenly Father.
Between school, studying and doing homework, going to physical therapy three or even sometimes four times a week, going to weekly doctor appointments, amidst all that, trying to remember to take medication has gotten the best of me. The great invader of depression and feeling sorrow for myself has sunk in deep into my heart, and I have found simple things like watching silly tv shows, reading a verse or watching a video online to be completely unamusing and quite boring. The course workload of school has become overwhelming and to be quite honest, has been the biggest contributor to feeling sorry for myself.
My husband has done his absolute best to console me, but Satan has had a good grasp on my thoughts and feelings. Yesterday was actually the worst day that I have ever had since the accident. I was balling my eyes out, in pain, frustration, and confusion, and I asked my husband, "Why was it me that got hurt? Why wasn't it you? Why wasn't it anyone else on that ski hill? Why me Jaden?" and my amazing husband responded with, "It's because Heavenly Father knows you were literally the only person on that entire hill that was strong enough to endure it."
It was like a light bulb went off in my head and I was reminded of the plan of salvation. I knew before I came down to this earth that my husband and I would have trials, and that they would be excruciating. But the veil is real! And I completely forgot about the knowledge I had before, and at that moment I was simply reminded of it. I repented of my anger and I told my husband to remind me often that I was strong, and that I was going to get through it all.
I shared this story with my classmates on the discussion board as I had previously stated, but what I haven’t told you all yet, is that I also had people respond to my story with advice and LOVE! One classmate’s name is Mary, she is in her seventies, and is doing online schooling because she always wanted to finish going to college. SO naturally you know this lady has some great insights and advice up her sleeves. And what she shared just penetrated my heart. She said,
“Valissa: What a devastating thing this has been for you. I know this must be very discouraging but there is hope. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (October 2006 conference) said that "When the universe seems shattered and the shreds of our world lie littered about us. When it seems, we can never put it back together we have our Friday, just as the Lord did hanging on the cross, but no matter our grief Sunday will come in this life or the next, but Sunday will come." Sometimes it requires more patience that we believe we have but I think your husband is correct and you are stronger than you know and the Lord knows you can endure.
Last year I tore my meniscus and had to have surgery. Today my knee is just fine and I hope that in a few months you can look back and realize that the Lord is there for you,I know that he was for me. With an eternal perspective, we can endure life's challenges.”
I loved this scripture. I loved the insight Mary gave me. I loved the multitude of principles she, the class, and the spirit have taught me this past week. I loved the reminder I got to hear from Heavenly Father while reading, that the eternal perspective can get me, you and anyone else through life's hardest trials. When and if we remember to keep that eternal perspective, our afflictions in life even though they may be hard at times, can be seen as times of growth and light, even when it seems like there is only darkness around.
Below is the video of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin speaking at the 2006 General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you have some time, please enlighten your life and just watch. End of L03
L02: This week our scripture chunk to read dealt a lot in 1 Corinthians, and Thessalonians. I used the study skill of visualization for this chunk as well. I found myself seeing things in a completely different light by using this skill. I really enjoyed it! But as for what I learned throughout the entire week that impressed me the most was in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 where it says:
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it, be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
So when Apostle Paul talks specifically about the intimacies that should exist only between a husband and a wife, it got me to reflect on my marriage. What am I doing to make sure that the spirit of the Lord still resides with us in our passions, but also just in our day to day relationship? Am I doing all that I can to strengthen my husband? Am I making sure he is being accountable to strengthen me as his wife? Apostle Paul teaches us here about the sacredness marriage is about, and what it can do to help us if properly used. But just as much as he shows the beauty of intimacy, he warns of the serious dangers of it.
So that had me thinking even more, what I am doing to make sure that the influence of Satan is not able to impact the passions and intimacies of my marriage? How can I improve to ensure Satan will have no play in my marriage at all? I pondered and pondered these questions and was quite racked with what I was doing as a wife that was really strengthening to my marriage.
I prayed for an opportunity to have these questions answered or at least feel the Spirit prompting me. Then on Saturday night, my husband and I went to a devotional on campus. It was said that there was going to be an apostle there, and it was also a devotional only to have young married couples..... AND guess who it was that was speaking to us????
ELDER JEFFREY R. HOLLAND Y'ALL!!!
He opened the devotional with this statement: "Your marriage is the most important thing in your entire life, and you all have already chosen the person. You guys are now in it for the long haul."
He talked about 3 main principles that we MUST keep within our marriage, and if we do them, we will have a successful and joyful marriage. He never once said it would be perfect and free from trials, but he did say that if we were to simply do what Heavenly Father has asked us, then we were already going to be on the right route to exaltation.
Then he spoke about everything my heart has been pressed and racked with for the whole week about my marriage. My husband and I sat there feeling so impressed by the Spirit that we were doing everything correctly. We were being faithful, respectful and kind to one another.
We acknowledged we were supporting one another when we really needed it, and we agreed on the timeline we feel impressed about to have and start a family, where to go to graduate school and where to move to raise our children. Sure life will come and things will change, but we both are diligently trying to follow the gospel, and because of that we have the same spiritual promptings from the spirit.
And that is EXTREMELY important to us to both be prepared enough to receive revelation from the spirit, but to also get the same revelation.
The main thing I think I gained from not only my scripture study through this block but also through the devotional is that my husband is special. The love that we share both spiritually and physically are precious and are to be kept within the bounds of marriage, and when we follow the commandments we can trust that the Spirit WILL guide us. End of L02
L01: This semester (Spring 2018) I am participating in a religion class. It is the study of the second half of the New Testament (Acts-Revelations). Each week we have been asked to prepare and share our insights from the week's studies. This first week we studied Acts 1-18 as our scripture block. I loved not only the insight I've gained from scriptures themselves but also the student manual.
Somethings we honestly could never do if it weren't for revelation, historical records(like the Bible), and even modern-day witnesses. From these different records, we are truly able to find out for ourselves if these things are true, and that's why I love what Elder Holland said about our church having direction because of them.
Within the first few pages of the student manual, Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Twelve Apostles stated, "The direction of the Church is the same. The location of the Savior has been altered, but the direction and leadership of the Church are exactly the same." The doctrine and movement of the actual church are founded and moved forward from modern-day revelations and from the early Apostles of the church.
One thing I wanted to try differently while reading my scripture block was to try to find more principles within the pages that just about reading a random story about someone who had a miracle. So for example in Acts 14:8-1 it states:
8 And there sat a certain man at Lystra, impotent in his feet, being a cripple from his mother’s womb, who never had walked: 9 The same heard Paul speak: who steadfastly beholding him, and perceiving that he had faith to be healed,10 Said with a loud voice, Stand upright on thy feet. And he leaped and walked. 11 And when the people saw what Paul had done, they lifted up their voices, saying in the speech of Lycaonia, The gods are come down to us in the likeness of men.
Awesome, right? A man gets healed at the temple! But there is so much more to these scriptures than just what the story says. Like we must have faith to be healed before we ask and then use the administration of the priesthood. Or when we feel burdened with our afflictions, when we turn to Heavenly Father he will bless us.
On March 3rd, 2018, my husband and I decided to go skiing to celebrate our one year anniversary. After multiple tries at the bunny hill, this time I felt particularly confident about going down the beginner hill instead. One mistake led to another, and I fell so hard and incorrectly I ended up tearing my ACL, my meniscus, and shattering a portion of my cartilage off my lower femur from hitting it so hard on my tibia. Since then I have undergone surgery and countless hours of physical therapy.
I have gone from being the breadwinner in the household to collecting disability and being unemployed. My faith in my Heavenly Father and his plan for me has crumbled a bit. I feel a bit lost, and can honestly say a little unbelieving in his ultimate plan. Even though it’s a temporary problem, I have let it affect my long-term faith. Lack of motivation to read my scriptures, sadness overwhelms me when I want to pray but remember I cannot get onto my knees to do so. Waiting for and asking for help with EVERYTHING.
I felt the sorrows of the man as he pleaded for an answer or just for help. I know his pains of not being able to do anything on your own and to solely rely on someone else for everything. But I also know how he feels when he was healed. I can feel the joy and happiness that comes when we are faithful and patient in our afflictions. I know that there is always something better when we are patient, but yes, it is hard waiting, but the wait is almost always worth it.
A couple more comparisons of stories from the New Testament to principles of those verses are in Acts 17:24-31
24 God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; 25 Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; 26 And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; 27 That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: 28 For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring. 29 Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man’s device. 30 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men everywhere to repent: 31 Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.
In these verses, Heavenly Father is described as this almighty being who does any and everything for his children. It talks about the importance of following his commandments, repentance, and obeying him for one day He will judge us all. Here I found that Heavenly Father is so divine, the Spirit just completely bears the witness of his complete and divine nature. But he is also so loving, and it is because of him that we are able to become something bigger and better.
This has truly strengthened my faith but diving in just a bit deeper into these simple and few verses. I am his offspring. I can and should repent of my sins. I will obey my Father in Heaven. These are just some of the few power statements I have taken from this scripture block.
Another is in Acts 5:27-29
27 And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, 28 Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us. 29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. We must be brave and firm in acting in accordance with what is truly right. Obeying the commandments, words of wisdom, and taking heed to the council of the modern-day prophets, and when we do so, we will have blessings brought upon us! End of L01
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