new year, new me

I got to in depth study the scriptures tonight with a friend for the first time in two months. And to be quite honest, I kinda lost my faith there for a bit. It was and still is so hard to phathom the thought that someone so loving and grand could let my heart break so badly. But as I read my scriptures tonight, I was reminded verse after verse that faith is not a save me from hurt card. It's something that I can use to lean on in hard times, and to cling to when there's nothing left to cling onto. I read and was completely overtaken by the testifying presence of the spirit telling me that it's 100% true. When we exercise faith, we gain an excellent hope; hope in the trail, in the Savior, and in Heavenly Father's plan. I was reminded that his grace is sufficent enough for even the pit of despair I feel like I'm in. And then the chapter ended with the most profound thing ever, "...seek Jesus and may he abide in you forever." It was as simple as that, turn my toes towards Christ and have faith. Sure I still think I'll cry alot, and probably still get angry at the situation I'm in, but I'm finally starting to see glimmers of light, and it's only because I'm starting to actually lean on the Lord and trust his plan. Mourning is such a strange thing, and I don't think it's something you'll ever be able to check off as an accomplished task. Mourning is something I think willl last your lifetime. Someone really amazing once told me that the only reason we hurt so much is because we love so much. If I hurt this much, I cannot imagine what Heavenly Father felt when Christ came down to sacrifice himself for us all. I'm gratful for the love my Savior has for me. And I'm so appreciative that he and all of my friends and family and ward members are so patient with me. The love you all emuliate out to me is almost uncomprehensible, but I cannot tell you how much it means to me. I can finally say, I'm on the road back to being Valissa. Not just for myself, but because I also know Racheal would want me to be and find myself again. So here's to LET'S GO in the final days of the year, I'm going out with a bang.