rexburg is balls cold but I'm happy here

I've now been at BYU-Idaho for a week now, and let me just say, it has been one of the most life changing weeks I have ever experienced in my entire life. Not only am I 100% sure that this is where I'm supposed to be to grow spiritually but this is where I'm supposed to be to grow educationally. The first day I was here, Sister Gilbert, the wife to the president of BYU-Idaho, said, "Your heart may be tender, for leaving family and friends is hard, but have faith in your Savior. He will heal your tender aching hearts. He will not leave you alone. He placed you here for a reason, have faith in his plan and cling to him when you have doubts." 

And friends and family, I have had to cling onto my Savior so much in the past week. My heart aches to be home. It is the most aching tender feeling I have ever experienced in my life and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. My faith and hope increase daily, but the actual healing process of my heart still goes un-healed. 

If you don't know, my cousin, Racheal, was tragically taken away from my family and I four months ago tomorrow due to a drunk driver. Today is the trial against the man who killed her. 

My heart aches so badly to there at the trial with my family. To hug them, to mourn with them, to be with them. But my faith and hope in my Heavenly Father's plan is completely against what my heart wants. I know I'm supposed to be here, but I want to be home. In hope of feeling better, I went to the chapel on campus. I cried. I cried for my hurt heart, I cried for the anger I feel, I cried for my family, I cried for my Savior to help me understand why, I cried for him to heal my broken family and I just cried. 

I prayed so hard for the whole situation and I wasn't feeling any direction. Then I felt the urge to read my scriptures. So I turned to my scriptures and in the midst of my half tear filled eyes, I turned to the book of Alma. I scanned through some chapters and landed on 28. And I read. It's like the words were just waiting for me to read them. And there it said: 

12 While many thousands of others truly mourn for the loss of their kindred, yet they rejoice and exult in the hope, and even know, according to the promises of the Lord, that they are raised to dwell at the right hand of God, in a state of never-ending happiness.
13 And thus we see how great the inequality of man is because of sin and transgression, and the power of the devil, which comes by the cunning plans which he hath devised to ensnare the hearts of men.
14 And thus we see the great call of diligence of men to labor in the vineyards of the Lord; and thus we see the great reason of sorrow, and also of rejoicing--sorrow because of death and destruction among men, and joy because of the light of Christ unto life.

Friends and family, my heart still hurts. As I'm sure it will for the rest of my mortal lifetime, but this makes so much sense to me. The natural man causes many unfortunate and terrible things to occur. My cousin did everything right, but because of the actions the other man took, my family and I now have to deal with the consequences. The destruction of man is clearly evident in my life, but what I lack in seeing is Christ in my life. Allowing him to bring light and joy into this sorrowful experience is what I lack! I want to rejoice in the good word of the lord and I want to lean on him in time of struggles. And I know I can. 

Please pray for my family as for our hearts and minds are racked with so much emotion right now, and may a God bless you all to never have to experience the tragedy my family and I have.