I struggle

I hate it here in Rexburg if we want me to be completely and utterly honest. My roommates are basically all freshmen and they are taking all general education courses. So naturally their classes are going to be easier. Understandable. BUT they have this idea that just because they finished all of their easier uncomplicated work, that they can do whatever they want in the house. Which is completely annoying. I am taking 5 major requirement courses, all of which are ridiculously hard. SO whenever it's a good time for me to do homework, they naturally  believe that it is always a good time to have A TON of people over. Then when I can't get my homework done because I can't concentrate, they get mad at me for being bitter and antisocial. WELL no shit. I just hate that I can't do my best because they are literally bringing me down. I want to succeed, but I also want to be able to stay in my own home and be able to succeed. But they make it almost impossible. Then when I am mad they try to act comforting like they know what it's like to be unsuccessful.

I feel like I am just making a bunch of excuses for myself to make it seem like everything is just shit. But honestly I have never been in a darker place in my life. I hate Rexburg, and I hate the people. I want to be home. I want to be able to confidently have a testimony and share it, but I also want to be able to understand and do the things Heavenly Father wants me to do. But up here I feel like there is this giant wall that is blocking me away from Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost. It hurts me so badly not being able to communicate freely with them and count on getting some sort of revelation. I want to be able to do good things, and I want to be able to love, but I feel like I am in mud and I literally cannot move. Like the little progression I was having, has been completely halted. I don't want to be here. I don't want to study math. I don't want to feel like the adversary has a hold on me. I just want to scream my head off... but I know no one will hear so I just don't.

I want to see the light, and I want to be a light. But I feel like that is such a far fetched idea that it's nearly an impossible place to reach. Who would've thought being surround by thousands of spiritual young adults would crush you? I thought it would uplift me. Oh well right?