still struggling

I went back home to San Diego this weekend, and I got to see not only my mom and dad and sisters but my two very best friends Andrew and Megan. It was such a splendid time, however, it was SO SHORT. I hurt my heart so much to leave once again to come back up to Rexburg. I don't really know why to be honest on why it hurt so badly, I just know that the entire trip back was agonizing. I just wanted to be back home hanging out with them again or back up in Rexburg already so that I could sleep and wallow in my self depression. As the week continued on, I got to hear and learn some amazing things. It' slightly made me feel better about being up in Rexburg, but at the same time, my heart still longs to be home. I'm not sure if that feeling of homesickness will ever go away really. BUT I do know that everything that I am going through is to prepare me for a better future, and to have a stronger testimony. And those things alone should be enough to motivate me, but they weren't unfortunately. However, I did get some tests back from some classes and I could see the improvements I was making after putting in the effort more to study and that in itself was so accomplishing and motivating. So here's the picture that correlates. I was stoked I got my grades up from straight F's to some D's,a C, and an A!! 

BUT HERES THE MAIN POINT OF MY POST::: I don't know why I decide to just suddenly switch things up from being happy to being depressed. It honestly is something that just kinda happens and I don't ever really know how to get out of it. It's literally like my feet get stuck in cement and I cannot do anything. And I hate it. I wish I could just not have it, and I don't know what triggers it, I just know I have it and I don't know how to deal with it and it is definitely affecting my day to day lifestyle and study habits. AHHH. I need help, and if anyone out there actually reads these, and has some advice, then by all means, I'll listen.