I got my math test back today, and after over twenty hours of studying for this test over the course of two and a half weeks, I still failed it. I got a sixty three out of one hundred. And this is the first time, ever really, that I truly feel like a failure. Even after all the hard work, prayers and tears that went into knowing and understanding the concepts I obviously didn't learn anything. That in itself was incredibly discouraging. Not to mention that I don't have good grades at all in any of my classes. Coming up to school has been one of the most no brainer decisions that I have made in my life in regards to growing spiritually. But when it comes to how I am doing academically, I am struggling so hard. I know my teachers care about me and want me to succeed, but I just don't understand what they are teaching. It doesn't help that I have this idea that if I ask for help, I'm even stupider than I originally thought. I just don't know how to be successful here. And that's all I really want, I just want to be successful. I just want to make my family proud. I just want to graduate and figure out what it is that I am supposed to be doing, but I just don't know. I'm not quite sure what is scarier, the fact that I don't know what to do with my life, or that I am failing so hard. I guess I should be scared of both, and to be honest, I am. I just want things to work out and I know it will if I just put forth the effort, its just frustrating when I know I am putting forth the effort, but I don't see any results.
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