clarity
I was really starting to wonder why my life had taken the turn that it did when it did. Like why was it now that I got so hurt? And why was it me? I can honestly say I wrestled with this thought for SO long. I prayed, I fasted, and I tried to understand Heavenly Father's will, and nothing ever came to me as an answer. All I know is that I remember very clearly last week me asking my husband, "Do you think I will understand Heavenly Father's will through this injury?" and he replied with, "If not in this life, you will in the next baby. It'll be okay."
Fast forward a few days to Monday. I had my second post-op appointment with Dr. Rencher. This was the appointment that was supposed to tell me if I could start putting weight on my leg so I could start re-learning to walk. Turns out, my leg is healing so well, Dr Rencher cleared me to be FULL weight bearing by Friday. Which is like TOMORROW?!?!? Crazy right?
So I started trying to re-learn how to walk, and it's not as easy as you would think it would be. Here's a wobbly video of my trying.
However, I'm slowly but surely getting there. Fast forward to Wednesday night of this week, I find out that my best friend's (Abi) husband (Jordan) broke his leg. My heart sank because to some extent, I knew exactly what he was going through. I called her, asked how things were, and I could hear in her voice just how exhausted she was. And my heart sank again, because I know what it was like seeing my husband do everything for me because I literally couldn't do anything.
The spirit began yelling at me to go bring them dinner and visit with them. So that's what I did. I made them some soup, crackers, apples, and waters for the night. When I got there, I finally understood Heavenly Father's timing for everything. I understood why he had me get hurt when he did, and I understand why it was me that got hurt. Jordan (Abi's husband) and I talked for quite sometime about the pains of surgery, the blessings of narcotics as pain medication, the gratitude of having someone who loves you unconditionally there to take care of you, we talked about everything I struggled understanding alone for so long.
My heart was so heavy with appreciation for Heavenly Father's exact timing and planning for me and my life. Jordan at one point looked at me and asked me if I was still using my wheelchair. Which I was at home. I still can't make dinner, or wash the dishes without it, but the spirit was so strong in telling me that I needed to say no. That I wasn't using it. He then asked if he could have it to use to get around to classes and such, and I understood yet again why the Spirit told me that I didn't need it.
So when I left to go home, Abi followed me and took the wheelchair to it's new owner. She gave me a hug and thanked me for coming over. She said she was really glad I talked with him for so long, because he thinks he is a lot better than he actually is, and she could tell my visit with him made a difference. That made my heart so full. I was so overwhelmed with love from my Father in Heaven. As she walked away with the wheelchair, I saw a glimpse of what my mother saw when she left Jaden and I alone after surgery. I saw a VERY strong couple, who is centered on the gospel, who is going to go through some very hard times up ahead, but who were the only people who were strong enough to get through it all.
Now to Abi and Jordan:
It is hard. Life will feel pretty useless sometimes, and doing the small and simple things may seem hopeless, but I promise, it will be the only thing in the world that will truly help. Last night I saw a strength within your relationship/marriage that is hard for me to put into words. The best I can say is that it was incredibly inspiring. It will feel long, but before you know it, you'll be walking again. Together, hand in hand, and you will be so much stronger. I love you both to the ends of the world.
Fast forward a few days to Monday. I had my second post-op appointment with Dr. Rencher. This was the appointment that was supposed to tell me if I could start putting weight on my leg so I could start re-learning to walk. Turns out, my leg is healing so well, Dr Rencher cleared me to be FULL weight bearing by Friday. Which is like TOMORROW?!?!? Crazy right?
So I started trying to re-learn how to walk, and it's not as easy as you would think it would be. Here's a wobbly video of my trying.
However, I'm slowly but surely getting there. Fast forward to Wednesday night of this week, I find out that my best friend's (Abi) husband (Jordan) broke his leg. My heart sank because to some extent, I knew exactly what he was going through. I called her, asked how things were, and I could hear in her voice just how exhausted she was. And my heart sank again, because I know what it was like seeing my husband do everything for me because I literally couldn't do anything.
The spirit began yelling at me to go bring them dinner and visit with them. So that's what I did. I made them some soup, crackers, apples, and waters for the night. When I got there, I finally understood Heavenly Father's timing for everything. I understood why he had me get hurt when he did, and I understand why it was me that got hurt. Jordan (Abi's husband) and I talked for quite sometime about the pains of surgery, the blessings of narcotics as pain medication, the gratitude of having someone who loves you unconditionally there to take care of you, we talked about everything I struggled understanding alone for so long.
My heart was so heavy with appreciation for Heavenly Father's exact timing and planning for me and my life. Jordan at one point looked at me and asked me if I was still using my wheelchair. Which I was at home. I still can't make dinner, or wash the dishes without it, but the spirit was so strong in telling me that I needed to say no. That I wasn't using it. He then asked if he could have it to use to get around to classes and such, and I understood yet again why the Spirit told me that I didn't need it.
So when I left to go home, Abi followed me and took the wheelchair to it's new owner. She gave me a hug and thanked me for coming over. She said she was really glad I talked with him for so long, because he thinks he is a lot better than he actually is, and she could tell my visit with him made a difference. That made my heart so full. I was so overwhelmed with love from my Father in Heaven. As she walked away with the wheelchair, I saw a glimpse of what my mother saw when she left Jaden and I alone after surgery. I saw a VERY strong couple, who is centered on the gospel, who is going to go through some very hard times up ahead, but who were the only people who were strong enough to get through it all.
Now to Abi and Jordan:
It is hard. Life will feel pretty useless sometimes, and doing the small and simple things may seem hopeless, but I promise, it will be the only thing in the world that will truly help. Last night I saw a strength within your relationship/marriage that is hard for me to put into words. The best I can say is that it was incredibly inspiring. It will feel long, but before you know it, you'll be walking again. Together, hand in hand, and you will be so much stronger. I love you both to the ends of the world.
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