suicide prevention and awareness

As long as I can remember, my mother always taught me and reminded me about how important it was to be kind to everyone. As a child, this wasn't hard really at all. Innocence is a real thing, and at a young age, I was surrounded by it. However, as I aged I realized things in the world were actually a lot worse than I had thought.

Going to middle school was one of the hardest things I ever experienced. I mean the class size in elementary school was only around 100 kids. Then once you get to middle school it basically triples. 

I remember going into middle school so happy. But within my first week of school people had started calling me names and picking on me because I struggled with acne and weight. I really didn't notice these things until other people were literally pointing them out and laughing at me because of them.

To try to distract these people, I tried to wear really baggy clothes and try new sports to help me lose weight. I always wanted to fit in, I mean what middle schooler doesn't? But the clothes that were in just didn't quite work with my body type, and every type of dermatologist-recommended cream just didn't work. Time continued to move forward but my weight and control of acne never moved forward positively. If anything it just got worse.

My freshmen to sophomore summer break I decided to make a blog. No, it's not this one. But rather it was one on a website called Tumblr. On my blog, I wrote about how much pain the bullying gave me. I found other people around the world who had the same thoughts and feelings that I did. I started to become an avid blogger. It was such a great portal for me to channel my feelings into. 

But I wasn't any happier. People still picked on my weight, they still picked on my blemishes, I still felt like they hated me. I was depressed all the time, and I had no way of knowing how to get out. my depression got so bad that at one point I thought about how much easier life would be for everyone around me if I wasn't there. 

I posted things on my social media pages that from the surface looked happy and cheerful, but underneath cried and begged for help. I honestly felt like no one understood me well enough to get the message when finally one day my mom stopped me in my room and asked me if things were okay. I shrugged it off and said yeah of course, why? And she said, your uncle called and asked me to talk to you because your cousin Racheal has been seeing your posts lately and is worried about you. Are you sure everything is okay? And that's when I knew someone out there heard my cries. I told my mom I was depressed but I was going to work on not being depressed anymore. The first thing I decided to do was to unfollow all the sad blogs that had only fueled the fire of depression for me. I wasn't going to delete my blog though, that was my pride and joy. But I was going to limit the things I saw online so I didn't have so many triggers to my depression. Over the next couple of years of high school, I learned more about how to love myself, and how to try to love those around me. I thought I did a pretty good job at it. I finally felt happy. For me, it took someone to say, "Hey, I love you, are you okay?" for me to finally see that someone cared for. I truly felt like no one did.                              

I still thank God for my cousin Racheal every day, for reaching out to her father to say, hey I think Valissa just isn't doing okay. Let's check on her to make sure. I'm not sure if I would be where I am today if it weren't for her simply talking with me.

Recently the LDS church released 8 different videos about how to support and love those who might be considering suicide and how to cope if suicide death happens to someone you love. This entire series of videos helped strengthen me as an LDS member on a spiritual note. But more importantly, they taught me very valuable information about how to consult those around me with love and kindness in hard times. 

I know people who are struggling with depression, and some even with suicidal thoughts. And it is absolutely heartbreaking to feel like you don't know enough to help them. LDS or not, I urge to take time to understand some valuable literature on suicide prevention. I wish I knew what I know now years ago to help consult those I love who felt worthless enough to end their own lives. Don't let your silence be the ringing bell to someone else that it is their time to leave this earth. 

I'd like to invite everyone reading this blog post to take five minutes out of your time and simply watch the video linked below. It's about a father who lost his son due to suicide, and how he has coped and learned about suicide and the prevention we can now take together as a society.

Like Rodolfo (father in video) says, "Suicide doesn't only affect people who come from dysfunctional families. But it can be prevented if we simply love and serve one another more."