the last first

Well today was the last first day of school (that I plan on.. lol) for me! Yep! You got it right, I'M A SENIOR IN COLLEGE. Holy moly! Part of me always dreamed of getting here, and soon to the actual graduation part, but part of me also wanted to quit when things got hard. And the idea of quitting came up quite frequently actually throughout college. Things were hard almost all the time. When I first started college, I started at a junior college. I earned my associate's degree before I transferred to my current university, and my time there was a bit rocky to be honest. I saw all my friends attend four year universities right off the bat. So I honestly thought I was beneath them because I wasn't good enough to go to a four year university right out of high school. So I decided to overload myself in junior college in hopes to graduate faster so I could then go to a four year like everyone else. 

During the end of my time at my junior college, my cousin passed away. She was my best friend since we were in diapers. Losing her felt like I had lost a part of myself, and to be honest with you all, I gave up on myself. It was the WORST semester that I have ever had academically. I went from a 3.94 GPA to a 2.71 GPA.... IN ONE SEMESTER. It was a devastating blow. I really felt like I didn't belong at a four year. 

A few months after my cousin passed and I had failed all my classes, someone told me to apply to this school up in Idaho. They said they take EVERYONE, its CHEAP, and it'll be a great place for me to find myself and believe in myself again. So I gave it a try, with no intentions on actually going, but more so to please this person. 

Boy was I wrong. I came, and I loved it. I GREW. Spiritually, secular-ly, physically, intimately and mentally. I loved the class structure, the opportunity to serve, the people, I loved everything about this university. This place even became sacred and special to me, for this is where I met my husband and I grew in testimony again about the gospel. 

And now, here I am. Almost two years later. I walked onto campus today feeling excited about graduating within the next couple of months, but also saddened that I would have to leave this place I've grown to call home. All I can really formulate into words is that I am SO grateful for my father in heaven who loves me so much that he gave me all the right people to meet in this life to get me to where I am, here at BYU-Idaho. 

This campus has changed my life. It has broke me down to feel raw and exposed, but at the same time it built me up and made me stronger than I ever thought was possible. BYU-Idaho has given me so much more than I could ever give back in return. It has taught me that I was good enough for a four year university and that I wasn't beneath anyone. That I was more than just a number, it taught me that I AM a child of God. I am so blessed to be able to say that I have attended school here at BYU-Idaho, and I am SO excited to soon say that I am a graduate of BYU-Idaho. 

So here's to two more semesters and an internship.